Divorce is often a painful and complicated process, but when conflict levels are high, it can become particularly challenging. For example, a high-conflict divorce involving the parents of minors can sometimes become so contentious that one parent tries to pit their children against the other parent.
Sometimes, this phenomenon – known as parental alienation – in which one parent deliberately attempts to undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent, occurs because a parent is narcissistic, abusive or otherwise manipulative and wants the upper hand. Other times, a parent – perhaps as a result of abuse at the other parent’s hands – thinks that getting the children to side with them will make them safer.
Ultimately, parental alienation is never the answer. Even when a parent is well-meaning, there are far healthier ways of handling a tough, high-conflict situation. As such, it’s important for parents affected by parental alienation to employ strategies designed to help them effectively navigate this challenging situation.
Taking action
When one parent manipulates a child to turn against the other parent, often through negative comments, false accusations or coercion, it can lead to the child rejecting the alienated parent. This turn of events can cause the affected child significant emotional and psychological harm. Recognizing the signs early, such as a sudden shift in a child’s behavior is the first step in addressing the issue.
If you are involved in a high-conflict divorce, consistent, positive communication with your child is important, even if they are pushing back against your attempts to remain involved. Regular phone calls, video chats, etc. can help reinforce your presence and love. Making these efforts can also help to counteract any negativity that they may be experiencing as a result of their other parent’s manipulations. To that end, you’ll want to avoid speaking negatively about their other parent, as this can exacerbate the situation and confuse the child. Instead, focus on building a stable and supportive relationship during your interactions.
With that being said, if your situation does not improve, you may need to take legal action to safeguard your rights and your relationship with your child. Keeping detailed records of interactions with both your child and the other parent can help. Document any instances of alienating behavior, such as negative comments made by the other parent or changes in your child’s behavior after spending time with them. Emails, text messages and notes from conversations can serve as important evidence if legal action becomes necessary.
If you need to take action, know that you don’t need to do so alone. Seeking personalized legal guidance is always an option.