Older couples are now those most likely to end their marriage. Since 1990, divorce rates among Americans over 50 have doubled, even as overall divorce rates have declined. Many couples who have been married for more than 20 years explain that separation often stems from growing apart, the reduced stigma surrounding divorce or the fact that their children are now adults and no longer at home.
Growing apart instead of growing together
Did you know? About 55% of divorces among couples married 20 years or more cite “growing apart” as the primary reason.
Over decades of marriage, a lot can change about an individual’s circumstances and their perception of the world. People may lose their faith or convert to a new religion. They may go back to school, build new friendships or start new hobbies. Spouses sometimes grow together and deepen their connection with one another. Other times, the ways in which they change leave them less compatible after years of marriage than they were when they initially married.
The reduction in social stigma
Back in the 1970s, fewer than 15% of Americans said divorce was “morally acceptable.” Today, nearly 75% of U.S. adults say divorce is acceptable, reflecting a major cultural shift. There used to be a lot of stigma attached to divorce. Employers, churches and neighborhoods might shun someone after a divorce, especially if the community blames one spouse for the failure of the marriage. The stigma attached to divorce has all but dissipated in recent decades. People rarely have to worry about a divorce affecting their careers. Therefore, people who might have stayed married out of a sense of social obligation may now feel free to pursue divorce when they could not before.
The maturation of their children
Research shows that about one in three parents (approximately 33%) who divorce wait until their children are grown before separating.
For many people, divorce may seem inevitable, but they know they need to wait. Those with children may want to wait until all of their children are adults or possibly done with college. Divorcing with children still at home can cause both emotional and financial hardship. Couples may remain married for two decades or longer in part because the desire to divorce takes a backseat to someone hoping to act in the best interest of their children. Other times, the children leaving home is what triggers the realization that the marital relationship is not in a good place.
Other late-life divorce triggers
Different goals for retirement, infidelity and health challenges can also sometimes lead to divorces later in life. Financial concerns often weigh heavily: nearly 60% of gray divorces involve disputes over retirement planning and assets. For the most part, a gray divorce or divorce after decades of marriage, is very similar to any other divorce, although there may be more marital property to divide and a more pressing emphasis on how each spouse will achieve their retirement goals. Ultimately, understanding what drives different types of divorce may help people feel more confident about the decision to file.
Key takeaways: the numbers behind gray divorce
Taken together, these figures highlight the unique pressures facing long-term marriages and help explain why gray divorce has become such a significant social trend.
- Divorce rates among those 50-plus have doubled since 1990.
- 55% of couples cite “growing apart” as the top reason after 20-plus years.
- 75% of Americans now view divorce as morally acceptable, up from 15% in the 1970s.
- 38% of long-term divorces are timed around children leaving home.
- 60% of gray divorces involve disputes over retirement and finances.
These statistics show that gray divorce isn’t rare or unusual – it reflects deep cultural, personal and financial shifts that make later-life separation a reality for many couples.
Key considerations in divorce after 20+ years of marriage
After decades together, a couple’s lives are deeply intertwined. They may share properties, insurance policies, retirement plans, investments and other financial assets. Because of this complexity, it is essential to consult with a divorce attorney to understand how these factors will be divided. Key areas to review include:
- Alimony: Determining whether ongoing financial support is appropriate.
- Retirement assets: Splitting pensions, 401(k)s, or other retirement accounts fairly.
- Asset division: Equitably dividing property, investments and other shared holdings.
While the reasons for ending a marriage vary, one constant is the need to carefully evaluate how your finances and circumstances will change. Being prepared helps ensure a smoother transition. An experienced divorce lawyer can guide couples or individuals through the process, helping them start the next chapter of life on solid footing.