There is a common social assumption that divorce only occurs when a marital relationship has been in a bad state for a long time. Many people take years to decide that divorce is the only way forward when a marriage has left them unhappy.
In some cases, the decision to divorce might seem sudden. In fact, one spouse may still strongly believe that the marriage is worth fighting for and likely salvageable. They want to stay married even though their spouse wants to call it quits.
How can people handle situations in which they want to remain married but their spouse has already decided to file for divorce?
With an open and earnest discussion
A lack of communication is often one of the contributing factors to the breakdown of a marital relationship. Spouses may not have adequately discussed their circumstances with one another. Perceived slights or emotional defensiveness can get in the way of someone working on their marriage when it is in a bad place. Therefore, having a thorough discussion and being vulnerable with a spouse can be very important. People may need to discuss their desire to remain married and commit to certain actions that could improve their marriage.
With talks of what divorce might mean
Sometimes, divorce looks appealing because someone feels trapped in a stagnant situation. However, change just for the sake of change is not necessarily beneficial. Sometimes, a blunt conversation about what divorce might mean for a family can help someone decide that they would rather attempt marital counseling or work on their relationship instead of filing for divorce. Discussions about the property division process and the reality of shared custody might help someone see the value in working on their relationship instead of moving forward with a divorce.
With acceptance, if necessary
It is not always possible for the spouse who hopes to remain married to convince the other to attempt marital counseling or to reprioritize their relationship. Suggesting therapy, talking openly and fighting for the marriage are all admirable, but someone should not delay their response to divorce paperwork either. In Illinois, if someone does not respond to an initial divorce filing within 30 days, they may lose the right to challenge the terms proposed by their spouse. It is there for the utmost importance that those likely facing divorce respond quickly to a spouse’s filing with realistic counter-proposals for matters involving finances and parental responsibilities.
Taking thoughtful steps when a spouse suddenly suggests divorce may help people save their marriages, or at least feel as though they have made every reasonable effort to do so. Spouses who fight for their marriages while simultaneously acting to protect themselves in case divorce is inevitable can potentially secure the best outcome possible in what is undoubtedly a challenging personal situation.